Field Trip: Target Field

I was “fortunate” enough to get some free tickets to last Friday’s Twins/Royals game at Target Field.  I emphasize the word free because I wouldn’t be caught dead paying for a ticket to watch any baseball game in Minnesota not involving the Milwaukee Brewers.  I was curious as to how it stacks up to Miller Park.  The short answer: it doesn’t.  The long answer:

I spent a majority of my time at Target Field trying to figure out why they built a statue of Jackie Gleason outside the stadium, only to have a passing fan clarify that it was actually Kirby Puckett.  It’s unfortunate how ugly this statue is.  It appears that they held a contest at the Down Syndrome Institute to see who could build the best statue.  Then, instead of picking the best one, they picked the ugliest submission as some cruel joke.  I have difficulty putting into words how ugly this thing is.  I’d rather look at Braden Looper than look at this statue.  Let’s move on before I throw up in my mouth.

Target Field has to be the most vertical stadium in the United States.  They built it on just eight acres so apparently they had to make up for it in height.  My seats were in the upper deck, which I don’t mind.  However, the stadium is so screwed up that I actually had to look through the clouds to see the game.  I thought I saw a foul ball coming my way; it turned out to be a seagull instead.  Disappointment ensued.

Another thing I noticed about the new stadium is that they have a three-tiered, standing room only “Party Deck” out in left field.  I guarantee it would be a blast to watch a game from there.  The only problem: there is only a thin, four-foot high railing between 350 drunk, college kids and a 100-foot drop to death.  I guarantee somebody dies in that place within five years.  If Vegas was taking odds on this I’d bet my house.  The other glaring problem with Target Field is that there’s no tail-gating.  It’s unforgivable to build a stadium in the twenty-first century and not have tail-gaiting.  It’s un-American.  They might as well have called it Kuwait Field.

As for the game itself, it was actually pretty entertaining for a while.  Scotty Podsednik made some unreal catches in the outfield, JJ Hardy had two hits and two RBI, Jason Kendall was his usual terrible-hitting self, and I got to see Greinke throw, even though he got roughed up pretty good.  Unfortunately, the Twins won and I had to listen to 37,000 uninformed, drunk, overconfident Twins Fan chant “World Series” as they exited the seats.  Let’s see how long those chants last when Mauer blows out his ACL four months into his eight-year contract.

All in all, it was a pretty terrible time and I wouldn’t recommend it.  If you want to see the stadium, wait until the Brewers are in town.  At least that way you’ll have something to distract you from the crappiness of the stadium itself.