Rico's Rant. WWE STYLE
Hello and welcome to the first ever portion of Rico’s Rant! As I’m sure you all know WWE’s Superbowl, Wrestlemania XXVI, was this past Sunday. In case you missed it I’ll give you the rundown. The show started with ex-American Idol winner, Fantasia Burrito, singing America The Beautiful. Sure, America may be beautiful but her voice sounds like she contracted throat herpes and could only mumble and screech the words. Frankly, I’d rather have Mr. Krabs, (incidentally Ron’s Nickname from high school) from Spongebob Squarepants sing it. Enough of that garbage, lets get to the action.
The opening match was pretty much a snooze fest seeing ShoMiz (Big Show and The Miz) retain their Unified Tag Team Titles by beating R-Truth and John Morrison in under 4 minutes.
Next was Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes, the destruction of “The Legacy” group. The match started out with Ted and Cody working together, but that didn’t last very long. Rhodes took a punt to the head from Orton, so that should take him out for a few months; at least I hope it does. Not surprisingly Randy Orton picked up the victory in a decent match, I thought Ted would win to further his career, but that wasn’t the case.
Next was the Money In The Bank, an interesting concept where a briefcase holding a contract for a title shot at anytime hangs in the rafters of the arena. The superstars must climb a ladder and retrieve the briefcase to win. Ten superstars filled the ring for this chaotic match. This was fun to watch as you know someone could get seriously hurt or at least bust their testicles on the top rope after falling off a ladder. I liked everything about this match except the finish, because Jack Swagger won it. The reason he shouldn’t have won= it took him close to 30 seconds to unlatch the case while fumbling with it atop the ladder by himself.
Next was HHH vs. Sheamus, the young Celtic Warrior trying to make a name for himself against HHH the old veteran. This match wasn’t too shabby, but it did fall shy of my expectations, at least HHH won. Then came a filler match Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk, this wasn’t worth of a main event of SmackDown, to sum it up, Mysterio won.
Then came a match I was pretty excited for Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. Vince McMahon. Although these guys are old I thought it would be great, I was wrong. It was absolutely boring; I wanted to switch the channel. It saw Bret repeatedly beat Vince with a chair until he felt it was time to lock in the Sharpshooter, then Vince tapped and it was over.
Up next, World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho faced Edge. I thoroughly enjoyed this match, I can’t get enough of these guys. As a Jerichoholic I couldn’t help but pull for Jericho, he tickles my fancy. When the ref’s arm struck 3 it was Chris Jericho on top of Edge resulting in Chris retaining his title. After the match they went over to the announce tables and Jericho was speared off the table through the barricade, which was pretty sweet!
Next was a 5 on 5 divas match, I liked Jerry “The King” Lawler’s comment “I like Kelly Kelly’s outfit, think I can talk her out of it?” a little shade of attitude era King never hurt. In the end Eddie Guerrero’s widow Vickie made her way to the top rope to do a frogsplash, (Eddie’s old finisher) however; she landed on her feet then crushed poor Kelly, all the while managing to show her butt cleavage…nasty!!! Needless to say Kelly was unable to kick out and Vickie and her team of bad girls won.
The 9th match was WWE Champion Batista vs. John Cena. This was a fun match to watch even though everybody knew the "poster boy", John Cena would win, and he did just that becoming something like a 9 time champion.
Finally, the main event, Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker! The Undertaker is undefeated at Wrestlemania going 17-0 in his career. Shawn Michaels is Mr. Wrestlemania, and never fails to put on a fantastic match at the grandest stage of them all. This was an epic battle between two larger than life superstars, but that isn’t the whole story. If Shawn Michaels loses he must retire from the WWE! It’s streak vs. career. The two icons fought back and forth and in the end a gigantic Tombstone Piledriver delivered to Shawn Michaels ended not only the match, but the career of the Heart Break Kid- Shawn Michaels. This begins quite possibly the darkest stage of my life, I can’t believe Michaels is really gone. At least baseball season is around the corner, oh wait Corey Fart is still starting in right and my personal hero, Jeff Suppan is out with crotch stiffness. Nevertheless I can’t wait for “Macha Man” and the boys to get out there and start long stroking, and begin another season that will most likely end in heartbreak, once again.
Seacrest.
Out.
APRIL FUCKING FOOLS
The opening match was pretty much a snooze fest seeing ShoMiz (Big Show and The Miz) retain their Unified Tag Team Titles by beating R-Truth and John Morrison in under 4 minutes.
Next was Randy Orton vs. Ted DiBiase vs. Cody Rhodes, the destruction of “The Legacy” group. The match started out with Ted and Cody working together, but that didn’t last very long. Rhodes took a punt to the head from Orton, so that should take him out for a few months; at least I hope it does. Not surprisingly Randy Orton picked up the victory in a decent match, I thought Ted would win to further his career, but that wasn’t the case.
Next was the Money In The Bank, an interesting concept where a briefcase holding a contract for a title shot at anytime hangs in the rafters of the arena. The superstars must climb a ladder and retrieve the briefcase to win. Ten superstars filled the ring for this chaotic match. This was fun to watch as you know someone could get seriously hurt or at least bust their testicles on the top rope after falling off a ladder. I liked everything about this match except the finish, because Jack Swagger won it. The reason he shouldn’t have won= it took him close to 30 seconds to unlatch the case while fumbling with it atop the ladder by himself.
Next was HHH vs. Sheamus, the young Celtic Warrior trying to make a name for himself against HHH the old veteran. This match wasn’t too shabby, but it did fall shy of my expectations, at least HHH won. Then came a filler match Rey Mysterio vs. CM Punk, this wasn’t worth of a main event of SmackDown, to sum it up, Mysterio won.
Then came a match I was pretty excited for Bret “Hitman” Hart vs. Vince McMahon. Although these guys are old I thought it would be great, I was wrong. It was absolutely boring; I wanted to switch the channel. It saw Bret repeatedly beat Vince with a chair until he felt it was time to lock in the Sharpshooter, then Vince tapped and it was over.
Up next, World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho faced Edge. I thoroughly enjoyed this match, I can’t get enough of these guys. As a Jerichoholic I couldn’t help but pull for Jericho, he tickles my fancy. When the ref’s arm struck 3 it was Chris Jericho on top of Edge resulting in Chris retaining his title. After the match they went over to the announce tables and Jericho was speared off the table through the barricade, which was pretty sweet!
Next was a 5 on 5 divas match, I liked Jerry “The King” Lawler’s comment “I like Kelly Kelly’s outfit, think I can talk her out of it?” a little shade of attitude era King never hurt. In the end Eddie Guerrero’s widow Vickie made her way to the top rope to do a frogsplash, (Eddie’s old finisher) however; she landed on her feet then crushed poor Kelly, all the while managing to show her butt cleavage…nasty!!! Needless to say Kelly was unable to kick out and Vickie and her team of bad girls won.
The 9th match was WWE Champion Batista vs. John Cena. This was a fun match to watch even though everybody knew the "poster boy", John Cena would win, and he did just that becoming something like a 9 time champion.
Finally, the main event, Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker! The Undertaker is undefeated at Wrestlemania going 17-0 in his career. Shawn Michaels is Mr. Wrestlemania, and never fails to put on a fantastic match at the grandest stage of them all. This was an epic battle between two larger than life superstars, but that isn’t the whole story. If Shawn Michaels loses he must retire from the WWE! It’s streak vs. career. The two icons fought back and forth and in the end a gigantic Tombstone Piledriver delivered to Shawn Michaels ended not only the match, but the career of the Heart Break Kid- Shawn Michaels. This begins quite possibly the darkest stage of my life, I can’t believe Michaels is really gone. At least baseball season is around the corner, oh wait Corey Fart is still starting in right and my personal hero, Jeff Suppan is out with crotch stiffness. Nevertheless I can’t wait for “Macha Man” and the boys to get out there and start long stroking, and begin another season that will most likely end in heartbreak, once again.
Seacrest.
Out.
APRIL FUCKING FOOLS
Wow, Rico really outdid himself this time, you out-creeped the creep. Keep em coming son.
Reply to this
this is so fucking gay
Reply to this
How dare you slander Rico
Reply to this
This story rocks!! Whoever this Rico character is, he knows his stuff!
Reply to this